Hello, I’m interested in getting involved in the fetish scene in Madison, and would like some general tips/guidelines that I should be aware of before heading forward. I’m planning on attending a First Friday when my work schedule allows.

I’m also fairly young compared to others in the scene (I’m 19), and being new to the scene I think I would be a target to be taken advantage of. While I don’t think I’ll necessarily be taken advantage of, it’s always good to be cautious. What are some general safety tips that those that are new and getting involved in the fetish community should keep in mind to avoid getting in an uncomfortable situation?

First Friday First

Your initial plan is a good one.  First Friday is a great place to meet other kinksters in a casual, vanilla atmosphere.  Madison First Friday (like it’s many cousins throughout the state) is designed for people in your situation.  It allows you to talk to kinksters, see who they hang around with, who they talk with, how they behave, and how the larger group interacts.

At first it can seem a bit intimidating.  There are a lot of people who know each other well and can get into vigorous conversations.  Don’t worry.  Just walk up to a group and spend some time listening.  Someone will talk to you and get you involved.  If not that group, then another.   If nothing else, it allows you to learn about what other people are doing.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions, either.  Everyone is willing to help out a newbie.  If you’re a woman, there’s also Dames of Kink.  If you’re a gay or bisexual male, a new Men’s Munch has been started up.  Check the Master Calendar for details.

Age and Safety

This one can be a bit harder.  Most of the big events in Madison are 21+ because of the venues (bars).   If you haven’t already, you might want to sign up for a Fetlife account.  It’s a social networking site just for kinksters, and the Madison community has a strong presence there[1].  It’s a good way to learn about what other people are doing, how they’re doing it, and whether or not they’re the kind of people you want to do it with.

The best way to stay safe is to talk to people and get to know who people trust and respect.  It doesn’t take long to discover who they are.   While there may be the usual amount of personality conflict and disagreements within the community, you won’t find people being bad-mouthed because of it.   If you’re unsure of somebody, ask around.  Madison is a small enough community that everyone knows everyone, and you can get a good idea of who’s safe and who you might want to steer clear of (the former group comprises the vast majority).

The biggest thing is to not feel pressured into going too fast.  Nobody will begrudge you if you want to go slow and find your feet.  Everybody loves to teach, and you’ll find no shortage of people willing to share their wisdom, experience, and funny stories.

Welcome to Madison and welcome to kink–and, of course, welcome to MadisonKink!

Do you have a question about Kink in Madison–or in general?  Send us your questions and we’ll answer them to the best of our ability.   Questions are 100% anonymous, and answered within a few days.

[1] I’m on there as Indigo_Marr for anyone who wants to contact me directly.