The Scene Name: Why They Are Called ‘That’.Jul 11th, 2012 | By Miss R | Category: Columns, Contributors, MissR
Many people, not just professional dominants, have names within the kink community that reflect their lifestyle choice and are far from their mundane, every day name. Sometimes, it is a nickname that grew and became part of the identity. Sometimes it is a carefully designed name to help with the image of the person. The nom de plume for many people in the kink community, especially professional dominants, is a way to protect themselves from the judgement of common society. It is polite to use the name people prefer.
The title that someone uses can be as much part of the kinkster as the name they use, and sometimes it is the same thing. Mistress, Master, Lord, Lady… Many people who have earned the title they use. The strata, houses, and families within the larger BDSM community have ways to recognize the accomplishments of those within. The title they use can be the result of years of moving up in the ranks and can be jealously held.
When you contact a pro dom, respect their name choice. It is how they are presenting themselves to the world. If you find out what their everyday name is while talking to them, make sure you use their BDSM name while in scene, and while negotiating your sessions. Ask if you may use their real name when not actively being their sub. This is important to separate the two. They may not wish to have you know their mundane name. Accept what you are told and do not push. I know several pro doms who have cut off clients for not using the proper title and name.
If you wish to have a different name while in a session with your dominant, say so. This is an opportunity to create another you, to be able to explore things without having to let it be about your everyday life. Let your mind wander, think of what you want to experience, and see if there is a nick-name or different name you wish to be called for your kink experience. If you have a particular act you want to experience, perhaps that can be part of what you are called. If you wish to be humiliated, a swear-word or degrading name can easily keep you in your place. Remember that what you pick for use with one person might not work with all.
Personally, I have had several names within the Kink scene. I am best known at this point as Miss R, but people from my past might remember and call me by my other names. Generally, I try to be understanding, but once I have asked them to call me by my appropriate name, I do not hold back to correct them if they slip. I may be a gentle dom, but that does not mean I cannot exact the torment of my sub to correct them further. Some people are not as forgiving as I.
Think about your scene name and remember mine.
Miss R from the Leathermines