Weddings or Whips: Do You Have to Choose?Aug 3rd, 2012 | By Invisible Domina | Category: Columns, Contributors, Invisible Domina
As my wedding day approaches, I’m starting to question how much of a place kink has in my life. Is it something that is essential to my being, or is it something that closely resembles an interest, a hobby, or a passion? Is it something I’d be willing to give up for the love of my life, or do I need to find some sort of compromise, some kind of balance to make sure that our married life is a success?
As you all know by now, I work as a Pro-Domme. You also know by now that I get my kicks from fetishes and kinks. My husband-to-be, however, is as vanillas as you can get. I remember way back when, that a few friends made the comment that it would never last, however here we are, six years later. What has made it work so far is never bringing my whips and restraints into the bedroom. We are equals in every single way, and while he doesn’t look down on my kinky needs, he will never be the right person to meet them. It is all well and good assuming that as my future husband, he is the only person that I will ever need, but in our lives we all need people outside of our main relationship to fulfill other needs. Perhaps you love to cook and your partner doesn’t ‘get’ food. Maybe you love to cycle and your partner is happiest in front of his X-Box. It doesn’t mean to say that your relationship is any less fulfilled, but it also doesn’t mean to say that you can’t meet your needs elsewhere.
For me, this means that I get to tie up submissives, whip them, torment them and take us both to that happy place, all without exchanging any bodily fluids or getting into a situation where I am feeling like I am putting my relationship at risk. In previous posts I’ve explored and pondered the thought of giving up my work. Once again I feel that my kinky needs are integral to who I am–a strong part of my personality–and to deny them is to deny that I like pink fluffy things and kittens.
So what now? In the same way that I check with my clients and submissives, I check with my future husband that he is still happy with the arrangements. I make sure that whatever we do separately does not ruin our strong relationship.
And what of my clients? So far, they have all been very excited about my impending wedding. Oddly, far more than me…