Why I Do Not Play With Drunk PeopleMay 19th, 2012 | By Miss R | Category: Columns, Contributors, MissR
No. Just no.
I have had to say that recently to someone I really wanted to play with. They had arranged for some of my time, had negotiated well and I was looking forward to the session. The time came and I had to turn them away.
It was sad, not just for me but for them, also. It was a scene that involved a bit of set-up and some of my favorite role playing. They arrived, a gift in hand and as I went to hug them, I smelled … something. I stepped back and looked at them. I took in a deep breath and smelled not just beer but too much mouthwash to try to cover it. They were slightly unsteady on their feet as they stood there and their eyes, when they would look at me, were not the same size.
We did not have a session that day. We talked until I felt they were safer to drive than when they had arrived. I sent them on their way and told them they would have to work to get any more of my time.
Inebriation is one of my hard limits. Not just with alcohol but other intoxicants as well.
When you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs, your reactions are not true. Pain thresholds change, usually making something that is a ’10′ become an ’8′ or even lower–possibly causing permanent damage without meaning to. You can become dehydrated leading to problems, including becoming physically ill when adrenaline from the session starts going through you. Many people are happy drunks, and that is fine in a social situation. A mean drunk is just plain dangerous in any situation and can be a problem in a BDSM session. If you wear a collar, the body can react to alcohol and drugs with a swelling of tissues in the neck and throat–the main one being the tongue–and the collar can then constrict, leaving you with little air or blocked blood flow. If you are into play that may lead to cuts and bleeding, alcohol can suppress the clotting of fresh cuts, possibly leading to enhanced blood loss, and a mess to clean up. When you are drunk, even if you think you are a little buzzed, you cannot always tell when something is not right and cannot safe word or rightly give consent for things.
I can understand needing a ‘morale boost’ to make it easier to go to a Pro Dom. Going with a fifth of something to ‘steady’ yourself will not get you what you want, and can get you blacklisted with the pros in the area. Many lifestyle or hobbyists also have hard limits for drinking before or during a session, both for the sub as well as the Top. A sub that is unresponsive because of alcohol is not as bad as a top who wields a flog or whip after a few drinks. The play it self should be what alters the perceptions and brings that wonderful flush, not a drink or pill that can create more problems than it solves.
Keep it clean and I might just let you in for your next session.
Miss R from the Leathermines